When Will I Learn?

     Have you ever wondered why you did something you swore you would never do again? We do something that brings misery to our life, we swear we will never get in that spot again, and before we think about it, we do it again! When I write stories to you, I share it all. I tell you what I do, what I learn, and what I will do to make sure I never get into the same situation again. I can think of two big events I shared with you in the last four months and made some commitments. Well, today is confession day! I have broken both commitments. First, the other day I jumped on my treadmill and ran without my emergency cord hooked on. I didn’t fall, but I did give myself a good lecture. Then yesterday, I pushed it even more. Though I did not go near the well house garden that took 12 weeks of my normal life, I did pull weeds in the garden around my house. I have never had a reaction to anything in this garden before, so I assumed it would still be a safe zone for me. Where I messed up was I did not wear gloves or long sleeves. Both were things I committed to doing. I just fell back into old habits without even thinking about it. When I was done, I came in and changed clothes. Then I remembered that I was supposed to shower immediately after being in the garden per doctor’s orders. So, I showered. I started having a slight fear wondering if I was going to break out. What if I am wrong? What if I am allergic to something else and not just Virginia Creeper. Later we went over to my mothers to play our weekly card game. As we are playing cards my mother noticed my arm and said, “Tonya, look at your arm? Did you wear gloves?” I looked at my arm and sure enough, I had red splotches on my arm. At close evaluation, I believe it is the scraps and scratches I got from working around thorns. However, as soon as I was aware that there was a possibility that I could be having a reaction, I began to notice every itch of my body. Do you realize how much your body itches when you are unaware of it? I took a break and came over to my house and found my old medicine and started lathering up my body with my medicated lotion. For the rest of the evening I itched and worried. Today, I haven’t itched until I started writing this devotion! Last time, I broke out, it started on Monday after I worked in the garden on Saturday. That would mean tomorrow is the real test. I better lather up again tonight! Lol
     I cannot blame anyone if I break out again but myself. If you get online Tuesday and I haven’t posted a devotion, I will probably be at the hospital! As frustrating as it is for me right now physically, the same thing can happen to us spiritually. First, Satan knows our habits and tries hard to pull us back to unhealthy behavior. Then he sits the stage just right to have us fall over and over. Our words of commitment mean nothing to him until we show by our action that we are done with old behaviors. If we bite his bait and do the things we said we wouldn’t, he will then start laying on the fear. We have to deal with the fear of consequences and the fear of looking like a complete fool for not learning our lesson. Seventy-five percent of what we worry about never happens! Those are pretty good odds in our favor. So, why do we let Satan chase us with a bucket of snakes (devotion Bucket of Fear)!
     I am thankful that God is bigger than my stupid mistakes. God has patience with us that we can’t even imagine. His mercy and His grace is never ending and new every day! Hallelujah! What things have you done lately that you swore you would never do again? Are you living in fear of the consequences? Are you afraid to talk to God about it because you deserve to be punished for not learning your lesson? Don’t let Satan chase you. God is full of grace and He isn’t going to turn His back on you! He knows everything and He knows how many times you will fail before you succeed. So, to Him, each time we fail is just one step closer to when we will finally get it!

    What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.

        Romans 7:15-16