Soon, I want to start out a devotion with 'this was the greatest day!' However, today is not the day! I hate saying that any day is a bad day when God has chosen it for me and was with me through it, but it definitely was an emotional day. I had one thought that dominated my mind today. It was, "I killed a kitty!" Several weeks ago we had a starving kitty show up in our garage. We coaxed it out of the garage with food and milk. It hung around another day and was gone. I was happy that it was gone so I didn't have to feel guilty for not wanting it. I am a total dog person and have not had great experiences with cats. However, I could not see it starve without feeding it. The kitty would never get close to you so there wasn't the connection that happens when you pet it. I had a total humane love only for this kitty. After a week the kitty showed up again and was nothing but fur and bones. It was so little and fragile. Dwayne saw it again yesterday and fed it. We saw it shortly after that back in the garage and Dwayne inched the car out of the garage to make sure he did not run over it. I did the same thing this morning but I ran over it! I saw it struggling as it was dying and ran into the house hysterically crying telling Dwayne to go take care of the kitty. I lay in the floor and cried like a baby over a cat I didn't like to begin with!
As I was driving to work I spoke out loud to God and told him how hard it was to see this kitty get hurt and die and how horrible I felt! Then God spoke out clearly to my heart and said, “Yes, I know. . . I see the horrible of horrible things every second of every day!" We often wish God would step in and make all the horrible go away but He loves us so purely, He wants us to love Him back purely and not because we were forced. That choice brings about much evil in this world and many bad and horrible things. And God sees it all! I can't imagine the pain it causes Him to see His children hurt by others or hurting others. I have to say (with no intention of being irreverent) for the first time in my life, my heart hurt for God; for all the horrendous things He sees and for all the horrible things He has seen me do!
The Lord detests the way of the wicked but he loves those who pursue righteousness.
Proverbs 15:26
1 comment:
I absolutely know what you mean. One day I was driving to the gym to work out. I think it was one of those emotional days for me already, but on my way a squirrel jumped into the road in front of me. I tried to miss it but couldn't. I had the same ending....I killed it. I did the EXACT same thing. Talked out loud to God and apologized for killing one of His creation. I was SO upset. It even intensified on my way home when I saw him still laying in the road with another squirrel (relative/friend...not sure) of his trying to check on him and trying to get him to get off the road. I was very sensitive to God's special creation and am so glad He does shield us from some of the unspeakable horror that people on this earth can do.
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