Stages of Life

     It is finally hitting me that I am going to be a grandmother! I don’t know if it is because we now know it is a girl, or because so many young adults that I care for are pregnant for the first time, or because my life has slowed down enough to soak it all in, or because I spent the whole weekend, cleaning and reordering my home to have a guest room/ baby room; but whatever the reason. . . I am getting really excited! Besides excitement, I am feeling a deep sense of reflection. Looking back over my years raising children, I wished so much of that time away and didn’t appreciate the moments of the turning calendar. During the pregnancy period (which I happen to believe is one of the most precious times of my life!) I lived with anticipation of what was to come. Anticipating a new stage in life and the journey of marriage. Anticipating a baby to love and nurture. However, soon the anticipation turned into a feeling of being totally overwhelmed. How was I going to do this? What if I do the wrong thing? I have never had another living thing so dependent on me, what if I forget to do something: so much to do, so much stuff, so much to remember and worry about! Soon, you get your feet under you and then you enter toddler time. Now you are frustrated. Will they ever shut up? Will they ever be still? Can you just have some time for yourself? Can I just go to the bathroom by myself? Soon they start growing up and doing things on their own and they enter childhood and school days. Then you are hit with busyness which produces exhaustion. There is no more chilling at home in the evenings. There are school activities, sports, birthday parties, lessons, church activities, etc. Life is a whirlwind. The cute little babies are now weird creatures living in your home beginning the process of independence. Just when you think it can’t get worse . . . it does! You enter the endurance period of teenagers! This is the time you experience complete madness! Though my children were fairly good for teenagers, these are the days that I would not live over even if I could. The best explanation for these years I have ever heard is at 13 years old they lose their brains and they get 20% back each year until they reach 18. I can’t really explain these years! If you have lived through them, you understand. If you haven’t, all that love you feel for that adorable baby that you think will explode inside you, will endure you through this time! lol You go from one extreme to another when they leave for college, or work, or the armed services. You go from madness to sadness. You miss them in your life. You feel their pulling away and their independence. You wonder how often they will fit you into their lives. They go from demanding your attention daily, to setting up boundaries around their lives. It is a transition that carries on to them living totally on their own and the empty nest years begin. Though it has been a great time with my husband and our marriage, when I think of my motherhood currently, it sometimes feels lonely. Though all of parenthood is filled with many emotions; it has been the most honorable and blessed thing I have ever experienced! I believe parenthood was a time I grew up as I was trying to grow up my children. I learned I could love unconditionally and sacrificially.  No matter how much I was stressed or felt like a failure, I never stopped loving them, caring for them, wanting all of their dreams to come true, wanting them to have happiness in life, and peace with God. I have so many wonderful memories! Even the bad events are now special memories. I just wish I would have appreciated it more at the time! I wish I hadn’t taken for granted that last time Bryce crawled up in my lap needing loving from his mother; if I hadn’t, maybe I would know when that last time was! I wish I hadn’t taken for granted the last time Brittne wanted to be totally silly with her mama; if I hadn’t, maybe I would know when that last time was! And now it starts all over with the anticipation of the birth of my first grandchild. This time through, I will not take anything for granted. I think that is what makes grandparenthood so magical. It is seeing things in a deeper, more spiritual, more grateful set of eyes because your focus isn't on the demands of the day to day life of rearing children. My definition for grandparenthood is appreciating all the things you took for granted the first time around!
    As I have pondered the characteristics of being a grandparent, I have realized that God has them all. Since He is my all in all, then He is not only my father, but my grandfather as well. God has shown me much about Himself through parenthood. Now I pray He reveals Himself to me more deeply as I experience grandparenthood. I am ready for the adventure to begin! Bring on the diapers!

Show me your truth and teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me,

 for you are God my Savior.

Psalm 25:4-5