I have been an achiever my complete life. Somewhere in my raising, I developed a belief that to be loved, I had to be good enough to deserve it; I had to do amazing things to make others proud of me; and I had to accomplish things to have security in my relationships. This has been a trap for me that have brought me many frustrations. The more 'to do' is made over my accomplishments the more love I feel. It is what drives me in the workplace to achieve and perform. However, even when I achieve things and I feel love in my life, I get insecure that my love is all based on my performance. This is why performance is never the answer to love. Love can only be based in God and what we do has to be for Him and nothing else and no one else. It is a lesson I have spent my life learning and as soon as I think I have conquered it; it shows it ugly face.
I have been reading Mathew 6 and have been pondering it for weeks. The first verse speaks so loudly to me on this perpetual lesson of mine. I hope it speaks to you as it does me and that it causes you to reflect on its meaning.
Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don’t make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won’t be applauding.
Matthew 6:1
2 comments:
Maybe it is an only child thing to feel like you have to be good to be loved. I was always doing that with school and every organization I was in. I hate the feeling of failure...I am harder on myself than anyone has ever been.
I don't thnik it's just a child thing. I think at all ages we want to feel loved,but some people just don't have it in them to share their love. You just have to move on and love yourself. I have satisfaction in knowing there is one who loves me all the time. Thank-you Jesus. My very best friend.
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