Monday, March 28, 2011

What Kind of Friend Are You Being?

     We have all heard the saying ‘you made this bed now sleep in it’! Often in life we have no idea what bed we are making until we end up with a bed we don't want to sleep in. I say this because in the last few years I have made a bed I don’t want! Being a pastor’s wife is sometimes demanding and at times; overwhelming. Add being a mother, an employee, a daughter, a political candidate’s wife, a home business owner, a friend, and now a grandmother; and at times, I seem to find myself totally spent. When I find myself spent, I tend to withdraw and the ones I tend to neglect are my friendships. I feel I have nothing to give them and my relationships usually involve me being the strong one, me being the listener, and me being the advisor. So, when I feel I can’t do it; I selfishly hibernate to my home and snuggle with my husband and my dogs. They can love me and I don't have to be strong and I don't have to have all the answers. Here is the problem. When I am not open, honest, and vulnerable with my friends to let them know when I am not strong, when I am hurting, when I need a friend, and when I don’t have the answers, then I feed the ‘Tonya’s always strong and don’t need me’ mentality. The result is that I find many good friends have retreated from including me in activities since my actions have said that I do not have time for them. In reality, sometimes I don’t have time for activities but I always make time to help the hurting person. However, I don’t get to go around publicizing who I have been counseling and nobody knows that I have spent ten hours that week helping a hurting person. Then when life slows down and I start breathing, my need for friendships resurfaces; but since I have neglected my friendships, I end up finding myself very lonely.

     I think God puts a strong need in women to have women friendships. Life’s struggles and hurts often drive those friendships away or drive the desire for them away. However, we need women to learn from, to share with, to be crazy with, to help us be good wives and mothers, to pray together, to cry with us, and to call us out when we need it. We need to cherish our friendships more. We need to protect them more. We need to nurture them more. We need to give grace more. We need to communicate our feelings more. We need to be more Christ like. We need to be strong sometimes and weak sometimes. We need to be venerable, open, and honest. We need to lay down our life for our friends!
      What kind of friend are you being? What friendship do you need to nurture?

Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.
Proverbs 18:24

1 comment:

Mts. T. said...

I have one very special friend that I've had since eighth grade. She never forgets a birthday or Thanksgiving or Christmas. I was at her side when he got the news her brother and wife and children were killed in a head on collision on the German highway, the one with no speed limit. Seems the guy that hit them was drunk. Her brother Art was her only sibling and they were very close so it tore her up for quite a while. It hurt me a lot also because my dad was also a drunk and I tried so many times to grab his keys so he wouldn't go out for more. I felt guilty as if my dad caused the accident. That incident I believe is when I ended up feeling guilty when bad things happened. I felt it was somehow partly my fault because I couldn't stop it. Of course when your blamed for everything that goes wrong at some point you begin to believe it. Karen was the one who told me to keep taking the keys and to trust that I did the right thing. She'd say trying was better than doing nothing at all. I love my friend. She was like the sister I wished I would have had. We still share letters. Just got a card and letter for my birthday and she said she's a great grandma again for the 6th. time. This friend ended up being closer than any family member I had growing up.I could talk to her about anything. Thank God for my special friend. She is family to me.