When we were in Montana, Dwayne and I decided that we wanted to offer a home to a child who didn't have one. We went through the process and classes to adopt a child. Part of the requirements were that we had to be foster parents to the child for 6-12 months before we could adopt them. We selected a girl that was two years younger than Brittne named Becky. Though I had to follow the requirements to adopt her, I did not put any boundaries on my heart and brought her into my home as a child of ours and loved her as such. That was a mistake and was not a good thing for Becky. Getting close to a family, and especially a mother over night, created an emotional fear for her. Her life had taught her that everyone she loved would leave her and so she would test and push the relationship to extremes to make it happen quickly and not down the road. Anytime we showed attention to Bryce or Brittne, she would go into a raging fit which would take both our attention for hours. We tried everything to help her through her fits. We even tried ignoring her and then she threatened the kids and Dwayne's safety. We got her some more counseling but it spiraled down from there. For the sake of Bryce and Brittne and for her own sake we had to let her leave our family. It was one of the most heart wrenching experiences I have ever endured. I felt guilty for being another person in her life that promised her love and yet left her. I haven't seen her in over ten years and yet I still miss her, pray for her, and love her. One of the biggest blows my heart took through this loss was from Becky's softball coach. She cornered Brittne a few days after Becky left and voiced her opinion to Brittne that all Becky needed was someone to love her. She stated that she would have taken her and loved her. I was shocked and hurt that this woman was saying that I just didn't love her enough and to top it off, tell my child her warped opinion! She had never been in our home. She didn't know me. She never saw one of Becky’s fits. She never saw the price my children were paying. She couldn't feel my heart and know how much I loved this little girl.
It is tough enough to be judged by someone that understands your situation, but to be judged by someone who has not walked in your shoes and, even worse, not have an idea what shoes you wear, is even worse.
I wish I could say that I have never judged someone, especially someone that I didn't understand their situation, but I can't. That fact shames me because I do what I hate done to me! How much have you let judging become a part of your life? Do you at least get to know them and their life? If people judged you like you judge them, how would you feel? I pray that I grow to never judge anybody's decisions until I take the time to get to know what I don't understand. Above all, I pray that I leave all judging to the only one qualified to judge fairly and that is God and God alone
Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults --
unless, of course, you want the same treatment.
Matthew 7:1
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